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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Thursday Love: Have YOU Gotten Too Comfortable in Your Relationship?

This is a question that everyone…male and female…should ask themselves at some point in their lives. Have I allowed myself to get too comfortable in my relationship? Have I decided I’m too set in my ways to make changes? Have things gotten so comfortable with my partner, that I don’t do the things I used to do? Or do I do things now that I would've NEVER even contemplated doing when we first got together?

Let’s look at a few of these things and you can assess yourself and you can make the determination if you’ve gotten too comfortable in your own relationship.

1) This is a touchy subject (particularly with ladies…but I have to say it anyway). Have you allowed yourself to put on too much weight from the beginning of your relationship until now? This is not intended to attack anyone in any way. The average American adult puts on 1-2 pounds per year…so we’d all do well to ask ourselves…if we’re still within 10 pounds of the weight we were when we first met our partner or mate. Suppose we find that we’ve gained 50 pounds over the last 5 years…that’s a gain of 10 pounds per year. Is that acceptable? Is it healthy? Does your partner/mate have a problem with it? Keep in mind that if you’re noticing these things about yourself, chances are your partner or mate is noticing them as well…and if that’s the case it could start adversely affecting your relationship. You could find that this change has caused them to view you differently from a sexual standpoint. It’s quite possible for people to lose their attraction to one another.

2) Are you a home body now? What do I mean by that? Did you go out all the time when you first got together? How often do you spend a night on the town now? (This usually is aimed more toward men than women) When was the last time you took your woman out to dinner and a movie just because? Or (for both men & women), does your partner feel you’ve lost your spontaneity? What's your typical Friday or Saturday night like? Is it always the same thing....like Chinese take-out and blockbuster? In the beginning of the relationship, did you surprise them with flowers, or little love notes or surprise them at their job to take them to lunch? Do you still do those things or have you gotten too comfortable in your relationship that you feel… “I’ve done what I needed to do to get them…I don’t need to worry about that anymore.” Now most people don’t actually say those words…but our actions or lack thereof could be screaming that very loudly. Keep in mind that getting someone isn’t the hard part….it’s keeping them that’s difficult and if you’ve allowed yourself to change from the spontaneous, fun, energetic person they fell in love with…it’s only a matter of time that someone who resembles the “old you” sweeps them off their feet and walks them out of your life.

The moral of the story here is….Keep doing what you did to get them in the first place. If you always treat your partner/mate as if you’re still in the courtship phase of your relationship…even if you’ve been married for 10+ years…then there’ll be less and less chance that your or your partner will stop doing the things you both did to get one another.

Don’t let yourself go. I know this is easier said than done…I’m battling with it myself. I’ve put on more weight over the last five years of marriage than I personally deem acceptable…but I’m not just sitting accepting it either. I’m back in the gym and working back to my “first date weight”. It’s going to take time…but hey…it took time to put the weight on too. Also…don’t expect of your partner…what you’re not willing to do yourself. If you see they’ve put on weight…and you aren’t thrilled about it…look at yourself first before you say anything to them.

Variety is the spice of life. Don’t allow your relationship to fall into too much of a rut or monotonous routine. This is extremely detrimental to relationships and if not caught early…can spell disaster. Don’t always go to the same restaurants…try new things. Don’t always vacation in the same spot….try different places…either in the country or out of the country. And don’t relegate sex to something that is a scheduled event! When you start having to schedule when you’re going to have sex….that’s a problem! If you find yourself no longer wearing the sexy lingerie to bed that you used to…and have replaced it with a big frumpy t-shirt…start working your way back to the lingerie…and I guarantee your man…who may normally say something like…“not right now…I’m watching the game”…will have no idea a game is even on. And for the guys...don't think that just mentioning the word sex should have your woman turned on....it doesn't work like that!!! Remember what you used to do...and get back to it! Remember...sex for women is more than just a physical act...it means more and has many emotional ties to it. So if she's not interested...figure out what you need to do to get her interested again.


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