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Thursday, October 6, 2011

Thursday Love: It's 2011...Why Wait to be Approached?

Jewel of Wisdom Du Jour: Seize the day and put the least possible trust in tomorrow - Horace

Here we are in quickly nearing the end of 2011 and I'm still hearing that there are women out there who won't approach a man...or who feel that it's not their place to approach a man. If any women like that are reading this...let me ask you...how is that working out for you? OK, I won't criticize or be condescending but be honest with yourself...if things haven't worked out trying it your way...why not try something different for a change?

Let me be the first to tell you if you've never heard it before...men don't mind being the aggressor, however every once in a while a guy would like to be approached or pursued. Now this is not to say that you always have to approach a guy you find attractive. But step out of your comfort zone for a minute and see what happens.

Let's take a look at some ways you can try to start coming out of your shell when on the dating scene.
  • If you see someone you find attractive...intentionally make eye contact with them and maintain that eye contact. Don't stare them down like some sort of crazy stalker...but maintain the eye contact, that shows a guy you could very well be interested and that he should probably approach you.
  • If you're unsure of how to approach a guy you see from across the room, try to figure out what he's drinking and send him a drink. This might not be the best course of action if the environment is too crowded because ultimately you want the bartender to be able to show him who bought him the drink.
  • If you're a little more adventurous, take notice of what he's drinking and bring him another drink. That way you can hand him the drink and strike up a conversation...something simple like: "thought you might like another drink...hi I'm..." usually works well in these scenarios.
  • When you notice that he already has a drink...a simple compliment is always a safe bet. It could be as simple as approaching and saying that you like an article of clothing he has on or that you like his taste in drinks. The latter is a little more difficult...because you have to play it up like you know exactly what he's drinking...even if you don't. Make sure to sound confident...but if you're wrong...own it and laugh it off...but it doesn't really matter at this point...the ice is broken and you're talking.
  • You could also do the "don't I know you from somewhere" routine. It's not a sure-fire method...but if he engages...which he probably will...it gives you a chance to ask some leading questions like: "where does he work", "has he ever been to this particular place", or "does he know so and so"? In any event, swear that he looks familiar from somewhere...you just can't pinpoint where. At that point...you can start to transition into a normal conversation.
You do well to ask yourself...what's the worst that could happen if I approach a guy? There are only a few outcomes from any of these approaches...they guy approaches you from the eye contact you shared, he accepts the drink and you have a nice conversation (that could turn into more), or there is the slight chance or rejection; which I find hard to believe because I don't personally know any guys who'd turn away a free drink...because it's so rare that we one.

But if for some reason you were to get rejected....take it in stride. It's been happening to guys for aeons and it's not the end of the world...you will be OK. Treat every chance you have at this as a learning experience. Remember...no one pitches a perfect game every time they take the mound...if you find yourself unsuccessful the first time around...figure out what went wrong and try again in the future.

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