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Thursday, October 27, 2011

Thursday Love: What's Sexy in a Man's Eyes?

Jewel of wisdom du jour: First impressions....can be last impressions. How do you want to be remembered?

I have to admit, this weeks topic comes from another love guru Steven B. Ward. I'm not sure if anyone saw his show "Tough Love" last week on VH1, but he was attempting to help women see what men find sexy. He had them pick out an outfit of their own and wear it for a photo shoot that would be judged by a few men as to what was actually sexy and what was not. Steve was trying to challenge the women to see if they knew what men were thinking....and overall (except for one or two) the answer was a resounding NO! So with that in mind, I decided to help the female readers of Thursday Love, to get inside a man's mind and find out what we really find sexy...and what we think isn't. Here we go:

  1. CONFIDENCE
  2. POSSESS THE ABILITY TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF
  3. BEING EASY-GOING/LAID BACK
  4. HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR
  5. EYE CONTACT
  6. NO GAME PLAYING
  7. ALWAYS KEEP IT REAL
  8. HOW ARE YOU DRESSED?
1. Confidence is a must for pretty much every man I know. If he meets a woman who lacks confidence in herself, or is too shy or introverted...chances are he's not going to take the time to try to find what's special inside of her. No one's saying that you have to walk around being cocky and arrogant, but carry yourself like you definitely have something going for yourself...your confidence will show and men will take notice.

2 & 3. Being able to laugh at yourself and being easy-going or laid back, go hand and hand. No one wants to spend time with someone who's always stiff or rigid and doesn't know how to let their hair down once in a while. Being around someone who takes themselves WAY too seriously in unnerving, irritating, and depressing...and these are all qualities that men run away from. We want to be with someone we can have a good time with...joke around with...and not be looked at as if we're a child because we're not acting like a "grown-up" 24/7. Relax...don't be so uptight about time schedules and things of that nature...if it's something important...then we understand...but if we're just going to grab an informal last minute dinner...then what's the big deal if we get to the restaurant at 8:15 instead of 8:00?

4. Having a sense of humor is kind of a tricky one...because people tend to think that when a man says he wants a woman with a sense of humor, he's looking for someone who can make him laugh. That could be, but that's not necessarily the truth. A man who wants a woman with a sense of humor is looking for a woman who can find the humor in various situations, laugh at his stupid jokes, maybe make him laugh too, but overall can enjoy something if it's funny. We men like to laugh at various things, and if we can find a woman who understands why we're laughing at something and finds it funny just like we do....SCORE!!! We like to be able to watch stupid movies that have no shot at winning an Oscar....but we find them hilarious. If you can be that girl...who can watch the Adam Sandler, Jim Carrey, Seth Rogen movies....you're likely a winner in most men's books.

5. This is not meant to be a directive to stare a man down, as if to stare him into submission. When a mature man is having a conversation with you (notice I said mature...immature men will be looking about 15 inches south of your eyes), good eye contact is always a plus. It shows your interested in what he's saying, you're not intimidated by his presence, and that you're an interesting individual yourself. By looking off into the distance, you convey exactly that....that you're distant and not exactly engaged by the conversation. It shows boredom and is downright disrespectful to not pay attention when someone is talking. Besides, how can he throw a comment into the conversation on how beautiful your eyes are if you aren't making eye contact?

6 & 7. Playing games should have stopped in high school...but unfortunately, it hasn't stopped for everyone. Real men aren't looking to play games. Now that doesn't mean that all real men are looking for relationships. But at least they won't play games and will let you know exactly what they're looking for. All men ask is to be treated the way you'd like to be treated. If you want a man to be honest with you and let you know what his intentions are...then I'd suggest you do the same with him. At least in my opinion...you have to respect someone who's willing to put it out there as to what they're intentions are or aren't. It may be a little disheartening hearing from someone that they see you as more of a friend than a possible wife....but wouldn't you rather hear that early on and not have your emotions invested into someone who doesn't feel the same? That's how men feel too. I know they say that men tend to not have feelings...well that's 100% false. We have feelings too, we're just usually able to separate what actions we need to take from our emotions. Besides, in the dating world....aren't we all adults...why can't we just put it out there what we're looking for and hopefully the person we're interested in is looking for the same thing.

8. In this day and age, there's nothing wrong with showing a little skin...to maybe add a little sexiness to how you carry yourself. However, you want to be sure not to overdue it. Just because you have the body to wear something...doesn't mean you should! Letting too much hang out definitely sends the wrong message and a man while wanting a woman who's desired by others...doesn't want to have to fight or defend your honor every time you go out and another guy approaches you in a disrespectful manner. While it is each woman's decision how she dresses...we all know how society tends to view women who dress overly provocative. And while the way a woman dresses doesn't mean that she IS a certain way, how you dress can definitely have an impact on what caliber of man you attract. A thought to keep in mind when deciding what you are going to wear...ask yourself these questions..."would I wear this to dinner at my future husband's mothers house?" "If the opportunity presented itself, would I consider wearing this to meet the President?" Now of course those are extreme "ifs" but when it really comes down to it we do live in a society where people make snap judgments based on what they see at first glance, so do you really want to exude (for lack of a better term) a "whorish" vibe? It's great that you feel comfortable in anything you wear but make sure the clothing flatters your physique and who you are as a person. Why not try leaving a little to the imagination...no one is saying that you have to dress like a nun but excessive cleavage, a skirt that's so short your butt will hang out if you bend over, etc....that's not sexy in a man's eyes. That's what men look for when they're looking to take someone home for the night....NOT FOR LIFE!!! Keep it sexy...yet classy and he'll be putty in your hands.

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