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Thursday, October 13, 2011

Thursday Love: Who Should Pay?

Jewel of Wisdom Du Jour: Trust a man to be a gentleman until he proves otherwise. - J. Earl Smith

In recent posts we've been discussing how it's 2011 and things are more different now than they've ever been in history. Women are doing big things today...and that's great...but there are still some women who want to be progressive in certain areas of their lives but not in all. That's what we're going to discuss today. In particular, when on a date who should pay?
Tradition dictates that a man pay for the date entirely, and most men go on dates expecting to be the one paying. Speaking from experience I've felt the same way. However, there are some things to consider when the check comes to the table such this the first date? Who initiated the date?

As general rule of thumb...a man should pay for the first few dates unless the woman is insistent on paying. When considering who initiated the date...that's where things can get a little tricky. Because if you took my advice from last week and initiated a conversation with a guy and asked him out...then technically you initiated the date and should be taking care of the check...however...a gentleman won't insist on a woman paying for the check and he'll likely argue with you about it because he feels that he should pay for it.

Don't allow your desire or need to feel equal or concern that he may expect sex because he paid to cause a rift between you and a good guy. We all know that women can do everything and anything that a man can do nowadays...but you don't have to throw that in his face. Also, you don't have to do anything that you don't want to...and if he's expecting sex because he paid for the date...then he's not the guy you should be with anyway! If he's insisting on paying for the date...even if you asked him out...let him pay for it...he obviously wants to pay...or else he wouldn't be insisting.

And if you find yourself trying to insist on letting you pay and he's not backing down...let him pay because some men feel emasculated when a woman demands to pay...because they feel it may make the woman feel that she'll have to take care of him because he "possibly" couldn't afford to pay the bill (Ladies....we have just as many hangups and make just as many weird rationalization in our own heads too). The bottom line is that society has dictated that a man paying for dates shows off his reliability and his being able to support and or take care of others along with the fact that women tend to look for those qualities in a man. Everyone wants to put their best foot forward on a first date...and he feels that covering costs is going to do that...allow him to do so. However, once the title of "casually dating" comes off and a man and woman are exclusively together, it shouldn't really matter who pays at that point. 

But let's be clear about something ladies....while men feel that they SHOULD pay for the first few dates...or at least until it's no longer a "casual" dating situation, they would still like to get a reach from you. What's a reach? A reach is an attempt to pick up the check. That's all we're looking for...just reach over and try to pick up the check...or just say "how much did mine come to"...I'm telling you ladies...this will touch a special part in a man's heart because we're not used to hearing or seeing that from a woman...that'll put you instantly at the top of our list! Try the reach method, but don't do it if you don't actually have any money...because there are some jerks out there who will try to be cheap and go dutch...and again...if a guy does that to you...he's DEFINITELY not the kind of guy you should be with.

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