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Thursday, November 17, 2011

Thursday Love: In Love with the Idea of Being In Love

This week we're going to talk about people being in love with the idea of being in love. What exactly does that mean? Is it possible to be in love with the idea, but not really in love with the person you're in a relationship with? To answer those questions in a nutshell....yes it's possible. And it's plaguing many people the whole world over.

Why is it that people can rush into relationships so easily? It's because they're in love with the idea of being in love. That idea propels them to feel wanted, desired, and belonging to something meaningful. When in actuality, they're not feeling real love toward whomever they're in that relationship with, it wouldn't necessarily matter who was in that relationship with them. The thought of being wanted or needed and the closeness that a relationship brings is what's enticing to them....that the fact that they have those things with a particular person.

So how then can we tell if we're in love....or in love with the idea of being in love???

1. If your thoughts tend to lean toward how you feel as a result of the relationship itself and not the person....chances are you're in love with the idea of being in love.
2. Are your feelings of butterflies a result of knowing that your wanted or feeling that you're a part of something meaningful?
3. Do you find yourself thinking that being single is a bad thing?
4. Do you think that you're the "best you that you can be" or that you're happier when you're in a relationship?
5. Or do you have genuine feelings toward that person based on shared experiences, attraction, friendship, and a deep emotional connection?

If you answered yes to or feel that the first four questions resonate with your current situation....then I have something to tell you....YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH THE IDEA OF BEING IN LOVE. Those who answer affirmatively to those first four questions have to realize that being in a relationship doesn't automatically guarantee happiness. All too often people will remain in bad or empty relationships because they feel that eventually this entity (their relationship) will produce happiness in their life. Unfortunately, too many realize (after they've wasted too much of their time) that they're happiness shouldn't be dependent upon being in a relationship but within themselves. Sometimes people find themselves remembering the little "cute" things that relationships bring along with them and they romanticize those things, some people keep jumping into new relationships because they're longing for what they've romanticized in their own minds. This is a sign in my opinion of immaturity because they're continuously not remembering that there can be some difficult times in relationships too, and these ones will be quick to jump ship when the seas get a little rough. Then when they're single again, they're hating it and wanting to be in a relationship again.

My suggestion would be to remain single for a while and truly find yourself. If you continually jump in and out of relationships in an attempt to validate yourself or find happiness, you'll continue being like a plastic bag being blown around by the wind...and that's no way to live.

If however, you've found someone who's a true COMPLIMENT to the happy person you already are and that relationship is based on friendship, shared experiences, attraction and a deep emotional connection....chances are you are or are on your way to actually being in love with that person. Remember, being in love with someone is more than just the feeling you get when you think about the relationship, it's how you feel about that person even when the chips are down.

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