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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Thursday Love: Are You a Victim of Insanity?

Jewel of wisdom du jour: Break Away From the Norm…

I want you to look back through your past loves and see if you can find a recurring pattern. Yes? No? If you found one, think to yourself what that pattern was. Is that recurring pattern a positive quality or characteristic or a negative one? Do you find yourself falling for the same type of person over and over again? Do you think that sticking to your particular type is the right way to go? Well, think about it this way…are you happy with the way things are right now? If not, then you might want to read this very carefully.

The other day I was having a conversation with a young woman who commented on the relationship that my wife and I have and how she wants something like that. I thanked her for the compliment and let her know that we both work hard at making our relationship work because of how strongly we feel for each other. And again, she said that she wants to have that too. So I asked her why she was single and she couldn’t give me a straight answer. She continually gave me excuse after excuse as to what guys had done wrong to her instead of answering my question. Finally, I said to her, maybe instead of blaming those guys for doing what they naturally do, maybe you should look at yourself and see why those relationships didn’t last.

I know that was a little harsh….and she took it that way initially until she allowed me to explain what I meant. So I asked her if she knew the definition of the term insanity. And she looked at me kind of puzzled. So I defined it for her, “insanity is attempting to do the same things over and over again while expecting or hoping to achieve different results.” She still wasn’t sure what I was referring to. So I asked her to do the same thing I said in the beginning of this post….think about all the guys you’ve had relationships with…are they all alike? Do they all have at least one quality in common? If so, what is that quality…is it negative or positive?

If you find a negative trait that seems to run through all of your past partners…maybe you should try to find that trait in the person you’re interested in before you commit to them. For example, if you see the person you’re interested in has a borderline obsessive personality that leans toward jealousy….you might want to consider falling back on committing to that person because if they’re showing a jealous side now, imagine how bad it could be if you’re in a committed relationship with them.

I find this most in occurring most in women who have a thing for “bad boys” or married men. I can’t tell anyone what exactly is the “right” way to live their lives…however, if you find yourself continuing to fall for someone who doesn’t treat you right, or someone who’s already committed to someone else…my suggestion would simply be to change the kind of guy that you’re pursuing and things could work out better for you. Always remember the definition of the word insanity…continuing to do the same things over and over again while expecting or hoping to achieve different results. If things haven’t been working out for you with the “bad boy” try connecting with a different type of guy and see if the type of guy wasn’t actually the problem. Remember, people are who they are, and there’s nothing that we can do to change who they are at their core.

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