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Thursday, April 26, 2012

Thursday Love: Is a Marriage Proposal Deadline Appropriate?

Jewel of wisdom du jour: Something worth having...is something worth waiting for.

I can't help but feel some kind of way with regards to this topic. Being the traditional guy that I am, I feel that the proper way of doing things is for a proposal to happen when the timing is right and there's no pressure being put on a guy to pop the question.

Now...what I've just said is pretty much an ideal situation. I'm writing this in hopes that women will understand that pressuring a guy to propose before he's ready...doesn't mean that he will actually propose...and also doesn't mean that if he does...that the relationship will last.

I know a woman who'd dated a guy for over a year and felt in her opinion that the time was right for him to propose...so she put a deadline on his proposal. She told him that he had 6 months to propose or the relationship would be done. That's a pretty bold thing to do...especially since you don't know if he's been seriously contemplating whether to take your relationship there. If you're feeling confident and want to test whether or not he'll comply with your wishes....be my guest. But don't say you haven't been warned.

Men like to feel in control...and if a guy has been dating you for over a year and the idea or possibility of marriage hasn't been brought up...then I'd suggest to start gently hinting around the idea. Real men who are involved with a woman for that length of time (even if they haven't brought it up) have thought about whether or not they're going to marry you. He'll likely deny it if you ask him....but trust me...he's thought about it.

The key in these situations is to not make demands....because it makes you look desperate...and it forces his hand and makes him feel like he's not doing something he genuinely WANTS to do.

Give him some time...and allow him to get to the point of proposing on his own and things will go much smoother.

Also...don't try to put ideas into his head of HOW he should propose. You have a whole wedding to plan out exactly as you've wished it to be since you were seven years old. The proposal is HIS opportunity to express how he feels about you...and it should be HIS plan and HIS PLAN ALONE as to how he asks you to marry him.

Now...after the woman I mentioned earlier put a 6 month deadline on her boyfriend proposing....he did propose within that time-frame....but then about 6 months into their engagement....he realized that he'd proposed because she WANTED him to...and he decided he wasn't ready to be married and ended the relationship.

Ladies....I beg you....BE PATIENT! It'll happen! And if it seems that he's dragging his feet....there are better ways of having that conversation with him than putting a deadline on a proposal!

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